Don’t Bury the Lede: How to Get to the Point with Deductive Reasoning and Right Branching Sentences

To bury the lede: an idiom, which means inserting the most important piece of information late or in a place that makes it seem unimportant.

“How am I? Oh, you know, things are fine. Work is good, everyone in the family is doing well and healthy – oh yeah, and I won the lottery.“

Paragraph 1: Let’s Get Deductive

Campbell starts his paragraph with a list; we read this list without knowing what point he is making, and only after making it through several wordy examples does he finally tell us their significance.

“Whether we listen with aloof amusement to the dreamlike mumbo jumbo* of some red-eyed witch doctor of the Congo, or read with cultivated rapture thin translations from the sonnets of the mystic Lao-tse; now and again crack the hard nutshell of an argument of Aquinas, or catch suddenly the shining meaning of a bizarre Eskimo* fairy tale: it will always be the one, shape-shifting yet marvellously constant story that we find, together with a challengingly persistent suggestion of more remaining to be experienced than will ever be known or told.”

In the edited version, I place his point first, making the relevance of the examples much clearer.

“A single shape-shifting, yet marvellously constant story is to be found in any cultural tale: whether we listen with aloof amusement to the dreamlike mumbo jumbo* of some red-eyed witch doctor of the Congo, or read with cultivated rapture thin translations from the sonnets of the mystic Lao-tse; now and again crack the hard nutshell of an argument of Aquinas, or catch suddenly the shining meaning of a bizarre Eskimo* fairy tale – it will always be the one story, with the persistent suggestion that there is more to be experienced than will ever be known or told.“

* mumbo jumbo spells/incantations/words
* Inuit

Asking your reader to hold your supporting details while you get to the point is the biggest mistake most writers make.

Give your reader the context they need: give them the keys they need to unlock the meaning of the examples and information you are providing; otherwise, the reader may not make the connections you’re intending them to make!

Further Study: Google “deductive reasoning vs. inductive reasoning paragraphs”

Paragraph 2: Emphasis on the Left, Everything Else to the Right

Oh, look! I found you a nice word salad 🙂

“Throughout the inhabited world, in all times and under every circumstance, myths of man have flourished; and they have been the living inspiration of whatever else may have appeared out of the activities of the human body and mind. It would not be too much to say that myth is the secret opening through which the inexhaustible energies of the cosmos pour into the human cultural manifestation. Religions, philosophies, arts, the social forms of primitive and historic man, prime discoveries in science and technology, the very dreams that blister sleep, boil up from the basic, magic ring of myth.“

The first sentence has three clauses, in the following order:

1. Throughout the inhabited world
2. In all times and under every circumstance
3. Myths of man have flourished

What if I re-order the clauses according to importance … :

1. Myths of man have flourished
2. Throughout the inhabited world
3. In all times and under every circumstance

Let’s compare and contrast: which sentence is clearer?

Original: “Throughout the inhabited world, in all times and under every circumstance, myths of man have flourished; […]”

Edited: “Myths of man have flourished throughout the inhabited world, in all times and under every circumstance.”

If you like the edited version better, this is all you need to know:

right-branching sentences: start the sentence with “who is doing what” and then any other extra information and context.

Subject + Main Action + everything else

Not right-branching (BOO!):

“Cause A has been shown*, in studies conducted in labs around the world since the 1900s, by professionals of the highest degree with rigorous attention to the scientific method and with respect of the peer-review process, to lead to Result B.*“

*See how the sentence it interrupts itself?

Right-branching (YAY!):

“Cause A has been shown to lead to Result B*, in studies conducted in labs around the world since the 1900s, by professionals of the highest degree with rigorous attention to the scientific method and with respect for the peer-review process.“

*The point is clearly made, and now a paragraph of details and context won’t lose your reader and/or make them cry 🙂

Like the technique explored before, this is basically deductive reasoning, but on the level of sentence structure.

Start with the information that requires the most emphasis, and then branch out to the right with any additional details. In general, most of your sentences would benefit from being written in this form, especially in the drafting phases.

The fully edited paragraph was changed to be more deductive and have right-branching sentences. I also simplified the language in a few places: complicated thoughts need to be explained simply, but that’s a topic for another post 😉

“Myths of man have flourished throughout the inhabited world, in all times and under every circumstance. Boiling up from the basic magic ring of myth, come religions, philosophies, arts, the social forms of primitive and historic man, prime discoveries in science and technology, and the very dreams that blister sleep. Myths have been the living inspiration for whatever has appeared out of the activities of the human body and mind. It would not be too much to say that myth is the secret opening through which the inexhaustible energies of the cosmos pour into the human cultural manifestation.”

I hope you’ve found this first article helpful and/or interesting, and please feel free to leave comments, questions and critiques!
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